How can this mom motivate her son to be a better contributor?

We got a call from “Lucy” about her 19 year old son.  He’s in college, working part time and still living at home.  BUT, he doesn’t pay any rent and he doesn’t lift a finger to help out around the house.  She made a contract for him, but he’s not following it.  She wants to know what other parents do in this situation. 

3.03.11.2.What to Do With 19 Year Old Bum

3.03.11.3.Adult Kids at Home Calls

3.03.11.4.Another Adult Kids at Home Call

3.03.11.5.More on Adult Kids at Home

3.03.11.6.Last Adult Kids at Home Calls

We got a HUGE response!  Apparently, Lucy’s not the only one going through this!

My youngest son 19 years old, worked maybe three months last year, with two employers (total income $2034.01).  These have been his only employment. He then house hopped, living with friends until he wore out his welcome by ”not contributing”.

My husband and I work full time ( I also work 2 part-time). He is on another rotation back at home again. Not doing chores, says he can’t find a job job because I don’t have internet at the house.

Last night was the best… I was sure he was going to ask me to do his tax forms for him, but instead he leads with, get this….”How much do you get back for claiming me on your taxes, I can use that to pay for the car (the one we bought him last year, that he only made three payments on).”  Now he wants part of my return.

I get accused of hating my son because, I won’t make life easy for him (newsflash life isn’t easy and isn’t getting any better.) I think he needs to learn this now while we are here to assist when needed, not continually support.

HELP!!
–
Astonished

We got this From Crys B. in Ocala:

“If he doesn’t want to pay rent and contribute to the good of the household, then let him live somewhere else.   If you don’t curtail this now he will still be living off you when he is 50 and he still won’t be paying rent or contributing to the household.”

This is the contract Lucy gave her son.  Tell us what you think!

How long should you let your adult children stay at home? Rent free?

Dear Storm & Chris,

I love listening to your show on my way to work. I have a question for your listeners to help me out with. My friend at work just bought a house and agreed to let her 23 year old son live with her while he was going to college. He didn’t end up going to college. He had a job for awhile but is currently unemployed. She is charging him $100.00 a month to live there. He feels it is unfair to charge him rent. Personally, I think she should throw him out! Should a mother charge her own son (adult) rent?

Thanks!

Nina

3.02.11.1.Do You Charge Your Adult Child Rent

3.02.11.2.Adult Child Rent Calls

3.02.11.3.Another Adult Child Rent Call

Crys B. had this to add:

I lived at home until I was 25 and I would like to weigh in on the conversation.

When I was 18 and started working I paid my parent $100 a month without them asking.   Even when I went back to school full time and worked up to 3 part-time jobs while going to school I still paid my parents $100 a month.     There was no place else I could live for that amount of money plus it helped my parents; I was glad to do so.

When I finished school and was still living at home for a while, I paid them about $150 a month however, my parents were not good with money so if they needed something extra – a car repair, another car,  I put a well in once, I had the means to help them there.   

So being from the other end of the discussion…   “Once you’re 18 you aren’t a kid anymore; it’s time to put  your adult shoes on and be responsible for yourself.”

Tell us!  How old is too old to live at home?  When should you charge your adult child rent?  How much do you charge?

Welcome warning for men: The wristband that alerts husbands if wives are suffering from PMS

It’s a gadget that could help make men a bit more understanding at certain times of the month – or at least give them advance warning of a partner’s sudden mood swings.

A wristband has been designed to change colour when a woman is suffering from pre-menstrual syndrome.

It works by monitoring subtle changes in a woman’s body temperature during her monthly cycle – and has been dubbed ‘Help for Husbands’ by inventor Karl Dorn.

Read it all here.

Dear Uncle Stormy & Mother Wells…

Dear Storm & Chris,

Maybe you guys can make my 12 year old daughter see reason!  She came home from school last week and told me one of her friends parents’ bought her a COACH purse!  I repeat: Coach. Purse.  You heard me.  Probably a couple hundred dollars at least, right?  My daughter even showed me a picture of the kid with the purse!  What kid’s parents buy her a Coach bag?  I don’t have a Coach bag!  But my daughter wants one and thinks I should get it for her.  I told her there’s nothing reasonable about spending that kind of money on a purse for her and she says that means I am judging her friend’s parents.  How do I make her see sense?  What do other moms have to say about this?

Thanks – we listen to you every morning!

Angela

2.15.11.1.12 Year Old Wants a Coach Purse

2.15.11.2.12 Year Old Coach Purse Calls

2.15.11.3.Dad Weighs in on Coach Purse Controversy

2.15.11.4.Coach Purse Controversy Call

2.15.11.5.Last Coach Purse Controversy Call

Can’t Randy just listen to the game on his iPod while he’s ushering?

Dear Storm & Chris,

My husband Randy has loved the Packers since he was a kid. Now they’re in the big game and have a chance to become Super Bowl champions. In fact, Randy’s best friend in Dallas had a ticket for him if he could make it to the game. But my sister is getting married that day. In fact, the wedding starts 40 minutes after kick-off. Randy already told my sister that he would be an usher, which means he’ll be busy from before kick-off until well after halftime. He’s going out of his mind. He asked me if he could bail out of his commitment, but I told him I’d kill him if he did. It’s just a GAME! This is my sister’s WEDDING! So here is his latest plan: he says he can go ahead and be the usher…but he wants to have his iPod in his pocket and listen to the game through earbuds. I told him that was ridicullous and he says I’m being unreasonable. Who’s right? Should we let him listen to the game DURING the wedding while he’s performing his duties as an usher or should he just suck it up and miss the game completely?

I’m with Stupid

Tell us! Should Randy be allowed to listen to the game on his radio while he is ushering at the wedding?

1.31.11.1.Super Bowl v. Wedding Smackdown

1.31.11.2.Super Bowl v. Wedding Calls

1.31.11.3.Another Super Bowl v. Wedding Call

1.31.11.5.More Super Bowl v. Wedding Calls

1.31.11.6.Last Super Bowl v. Wedding Call

Lisa & Jeff need your help!

Dear Storm & Chris,

My wife and I would like to hear from some other parents.  We’re not parents yet, but we will be in about two months.  My wife Lisa is pregnant with our first baby and we know we are having a boy.  Our problem is that we disagree on naming him.  My wife’s dad died a few years ago and he didn’t have any sons, so my wife wants to honor him and carry on the family name by giving our son her maiden name as his middle name.  Unfortunately, her maiden name is Heine, pronounced HINEY.  I don’t think we should do that because I know he’ll be teased about it in school.  She says she was teased, too, but that she got over it and so will he.  My question is, is it fair to give your kid a name you know they’re going top be teased about?  What do other parents say? 

Thanks!

Jeff and Lisa

Tell us! Should they give the baby Lisa’s maiden name as his middle name?

1.12.11.1.Is it Fair to Give Your Kid an Embarrassing Name

1.12.11.2.Embarrassing Name Calls

 1.12.11.3.More Embarrassing Name Calls

1.12.11.4.Still More Embarrassing Name Calls

1.12.11.5.Last Embarrassing Name Call

He didn’t get a 3.0 GPA, so Mom & Dad say he’s on his own

Dear Storm & Chris,

Our son is a first year college student.  We saved and were prepared to pay for his education, but we always told him he would have to maintain a 3.0 GPA if he wanted us to take that responsibility.  He just finished his first semester and his GPA was 2.0.  We told him that was it, that he knew we wouldn’t pay for him to get C’s and that he is now responsible for his own college expenses and can get student loans or work his way through.  He says that’s way too harsh, but we feel as if we have to stick to our guns.  What do you think?  Should he pay his own way or should we give him another chance?  My huband says we told him he had to have a 3.0 and that’s that.  I kind of agree with our son that we shouldn’t react so quickly to this.  Maybe he needed to make the adjustment to school and will improve this semester.  This is our first child going to college, so I’m not sure how strict to be.  Any advice from other parents out there?  We could really use some!

Thanks!

June & Ward

1.10.11.1.Who’s Going to Pay for Junior’s College

1.10.11.2.Paying for Junior’s College Calls

Is it okay to give upscale used clothing as a gift?

A man called Chris yesterday with a gift-giving question.  He wanted to know if it would be appropriate to buy used, brand label clothing as a gift.  His idea was that he could get a good deal and get the most bang for his buck at an upscale resale boutique, on items that, if purchased new, would be very expensive.

Chris thought that if he knew the recipient very, VERY well and if he made sure he didn’t represent that the item was new, then it would be okay.  But later, when she talked to one of her girlfriends about it, her friend told her it was a TERRIBLE idea and that he shouldn’t even consider buying used clothing as a gift.

So we decided to take it to the KTK Listenerverse for some advice.

Tell us!  Is it okay to give upscale used clothing as a gift?

12.16.10.2.Is it Okay to Give Used Clothing as a Gift

12.16.10.3.Used Clothing as a Gift Calls

12.16.10.4.More Used Clothing as a Gift Calls

12.16.10.5.Last Used Clothing as a Gift Call

When you leave a holiday party, do you take the food you brought?

Dear Storm & Chris

Last Saturday, my boyfriend and I attended a holiday party at a family friend’s home.  We brought a large dish of homemade desserts with us to the party.  When we were getting ready to leave, there were still quite a few people there.  When we got into the car, to my horror, I realized he had picked up my dish of treats on our way out the door.  I couldn’t believe it!  There were still people there!  The dish was almost full!  I told him he should have left the desserts behind and he looked at me like I was crazy!  I was too embarrassed to go back into the house and bring the food back in.  We bickered about it the whole way home.  Am I wrong?  Are you suppoed to take your food with you when you leave a gathering?  Or leave it wait until the hostess returns your dish to you?  I am dying to hear what your listeners have to say about this.

Sincerely,

Nancy & Bob

Tell us!  When you leave a party, do you take your food with you?

12.09.10.2.When You Leave a Party do You Take Your Food With You

12.09.10.3.Calls About What to do With Food You Brought to a Party

12.09.10.4.Another Call About What to do With Food You Brought to a Party

12.09.10.5.More Calls About What to do With Food You Brought to a Party

Jodi S. writes:

Good Morning Chris,

I have found the easiest way to solve this problem is to take it in something disposable. There are some very nice plastic platters and containers. Even the dollar store has some. Then when you are ready to leave there is no issue of take or leave. The host can decide to return the container after or you can simply say no keep it.

Cheryl had this suggestion:

Dear Chris,

A nice thing to do is purchase an inexpensive Christmas platter or holiday dish (Target or Walmart have a nice selection) to deliver your food to the party on.  Include a Christmas Thank-You note with the platter and leave it as a hostess gift.  I look for platters and such at after Christmas sales so I can do this next year and save a few pennies.  It’s a special way to say Thanks to your hostess.

Help! Newlyweds at war over Thanksgiving feast!

Dear Storm & Chris,

My wife Tricia is Italian and I am basically an All-American boy.  This is our first Thanksgiving together.  She’s insisting on making her family’s traditional meal, which is totally Italian.  No sign of a turkey, stuffing, potatoes, etc.  My family is upset because they’re all flying in to share the holiday with us, and my new wife is making some outrageous Italian meal.  She and I have agreed to abide by your listeners’ advice:  Do we serve the traditional turkey dinner, or 7-course Italian feast? 

Please help!

Tricia & Jim

Tell us!  What’s your advice for Tricia and Jim?

11.15.10.1.Newlyweds at War Over Thanksgiving Feast

11.15.10.2.Newlyweds Thanksgiving Feast Calls

11.15.10.3.More Newlyweds Thanksgiving Feast Calls

11.15.10.4.Still More Newlyweds Thanksgiving Feast Calls

11.15.10.5.Last Newlywed Thanksgiving Feast Calls